my soul thru thin black lenses

happy birthday !!

it's official. today is this blog's five year birthday. // "five years && only one blog post??" // well.. no. i had a hundred plus posts (( && nearly 40 other blogs on blogger alone )) when i decided to copy all my content to a text document on my computer (( it's about 450 pages long )) && delete them all. // for some reason tho, i couldn't bring myself to delete this one. // it's where i start'd. // it was my first home on the internet && tho i've had almost a hundred blogs in total (( ranging from no posts && just a custom theme to nearly two-hundred posts )) this blog still holds a special place in my heart (( pause for sentimental poignancy )).

so.. birthday gifts anyone?? yupp!! i got thesavage1 a nikon coolpix // 12.1 mp && hd video // so pretty much, it's time to get ready for some serious multimedia. // oh, && i might even start writing poetry again (( there used to be A LOT of that here back in the day )). // don't get your hopes tho, there's a better chance you'll catch some freestyle flows over old school written prose.

also, i just want'd to make a quick note about the theme :: black minima, terminal style. // when i first start'd out blogging i knew basically nothing about html && css // now i'm heavy into both (( plus a good dose of a cms whose name shalt not be mention'd in this most holy of blogging spaces *cough* wordpress *cough* )) // it was a pleasure to breathe some life back into this blog // these days i have a pretty hard time sticking to one aesthetic for long (( other than simple zen minimalism, the thread that holds all my designs together -- see htminimalist  )) so expect the look && feel to change. soon. seriously.

until next time intro.webs --

me 2.0

it's time // after a year & one day. // often times i am confused. // dreaming. waking. deep meditation. // the bounds of reality slip & slide in a lucid, fluid manner. // none of it is mine // all of it is me.

a year ago from yesterday i wreck'd my van.// fell asleep at the wheel on my way home to see my mom for her birthday ((which is today// ma you look great for 45)). i'm not gonna lie, the amount of head fucking myself i've done over the last year is nympho status.

& i'm done.. // no i won't be able to wipe it from my memory, but i can stop dwelling on it // wondering if i am alive or dead // somewhere inbetween // lost in a dream // no. // no more. // what does your soul look like is playing right now // davis hip hop rocks // check out high.resolution // if you don't know, now you know.

i've been wanting to live in berkeley for a long time now // && i've been staying closer && closer // && as soon as i actually have a chance of making it there i start to 2nd guess myself && think of other places to go // there is a part of me that wants to go to davis so i can kick it w/ co.desh & fo'realia ((the other two members of hi rez)) // && then there's the part of me that wants to just wander && create.

a girl that i just meant recently via 20somethings ((a social network for 20 something bloggers)) told me yesterday that her friend had this crazy idea for a blog // then today she tells me that it's about being homeless // i laugh'd // "w/ the idea" // not against it // i've been thinking about something like that for awhile now // kind of even did it a bit // tho i wasn't real upfront about it. ((see life @11:11))

there is a part of me that is scared // i'm scared to pursue my passion && live a life full of adventure && spontaneous states of being // cause it's full of mystery && unknowns. // && that is scary. // exhilirating, yes. // scary none the less.

the idea goes something like this: "there is no I in homeless, but there is a Me." // it's a blog about being a professional bum ((which is an idea i talk'd about w/ @krystyl; that && nothing -- which i'm sure would come up often)) // not having a set place to stay or live or anything but still eating, finding a warm place to sleep, shower, etc.

some of the ideas my new friend was pitching are things that i've definetly already done // but i'd like to take it to a new level // use the internet && live off the web // find ways of going from "nothing" to "something" so that others out there who don't feel they can will have a

my web skills are improving && i think i'm nearing a point where i could do this w/ some class && style. // the ideas just keep going thru my head // the part of me that wants stability && routine is fighting it // hard. // but i feel like it'd be doing something for the betterment of myself && for people in general.

w/ the economy the way it right now, the blog would highlight lots of free resources not just for homeless people // but for people on a budget // anyone looking for free / cheap stuff ((be it food, clothes, activities, whatever)) i'd like to have a lot of video tied into it ((&&google geo.tagging)) // there's also a guy who does a lot of work w/ homeless folks on twitter ((@hardlynormal)) // when i saw what this guy is doing it inspired me to keep moving in the same direction.

it's strange // i crave community && fellowship // yet at the same time i crave solitude && silence. // working on "finding a balance" in this atmosphere is my goal // yin && yang // black && white // male && female // matter && spirit // duality && unity // coexisting. // being. // loving.

so // i've been wanting to get that out // the other part of this ((there's two main parts // the past && letting go of it // the future && moving into it)) is the letting go part. easter is supposed to be day that christ came back from the dead -- one year ((to the date)) after i wreck'd my van && "almost died" ((seriously this time mom)) i feel it is time for me too to rise from the ash of my former self && step more fully into the authentic me that lives my love && my passion.

this is me 2.0 // welcome to the flow.